When you realise there are three of you in a relationship!
I am happily married and have been for 19 years. Whilst there might have been times I have been a little jealous of my husband talking to another woman, I never thought my main competition would be a small handheld device. Never would I have dreamed I would be competing for his attention with an object rather than an actual person. Yes, I am talking about a cellphone. I call his cellphone “Daisy” and to be honest I am just a little bit envious of her involvement in my relationship.
Now. Don’t get me wrong, I have a cellphone, enjoy using it and it is with me all day. But I know when to put it down and give my attention solely to those around me. Unfortunately, it would seem many do not.
Meet Daisy the Newest Addition to My Relationship
Daisy joins us at dinner, whether at home or out at a restaurant. Daisy interrupts our conversations where ever we are. When Daisy “speaks” she is answered immediately regardless of what we are doing or who we are with. Daisy gets attention first thing in the morning, last thing at night and even sometimes during the night! Daisy gets to come on car rides and distracts the driver as she is far more important than the road. Daisy also gets to come on vacation and lie by the pool, in the sand and even sit at the bar.
Whilst this might sound amusing, it is actually frustrating and even hurtful. Perhaps it is because I am an introverted person that I don’t see the obsession with phones. My phone has its uses but I can function without it. I forgot it at home today when I went to work. Did I turn around, rush back and get it? No. I was able to miraculously get through my whole day without it. I can turn my phone off, or ignore it. I do not feel the need to answer every call or text as soon as I hear it. I’ll get to it in my time.
Let’s get back to conversation
For many, the mobile phone means they need to be available 24/7. My husband has his own business and that is his excuse. He must not miss a call or a text or an email as it could be a customer. Yes it could be, but, we should not be expected to be available at all hours. If we start answering calls or texts at all hours we are then setting an expectation that it is ok. Everyone deserves down time. That means you can return that call later or the next day. Perhaps in normal business hours. Will you lose an occasional sale – maybe. But do you really want a customer that expects you to jump every time they call regardless of the time. We all deserve more respect than that.
The same applies on a personal level. Mobile phones are destroying relationship with our partners and our children. We are forgetting the art of conversation. Next time you are in a restaurant, take a look around at other tables. I did this recently and was shocked at the number of couples and families, friends, sitting there, on their phones, no conversation whatsoever. What is the point of a meal out with your partner if you can’t even take the time to talk to one another.
When you look at groups of kids, they are all head down on their phones. This is not only doing damage to their spines and posture, it is hindering their social skills. What happened to playing at the park, building forts, or even going to the movies. All appear to be dying trends and that is a shame.
Where do you rank in your relationships?
I personally have tried to impose rules for when phones are prohibited, e.g at dinner table, during a movie, when driving. But they never last. Even when friends come over, they also get phones out at the table. To me that is rude, I wouldn’t dream of doing it, but clearly other people think it’s ok. So maybe I am in the wrong. Perhaps I am overthinking the whole mobile phone issue. I just feel saddened and a little hurt that I seem to rank below a phone on my family’s and friend’s list of priorities. Since when was a phone more important than a human being.
Till next time – JJ